"For the Lord shall be my confidence..."

This is a hard one to write. Long days with the girls are nothing compared to the trial the Lord is now allowing me to go through. Bear with me as I ramble my emotions and dealings of the past week and a half.
Cory and I want more children. We believe this is the Lord's will for us. Our hearts are ready for another little one. I found out in July that we were expecting, only to realize I was miscarrying that child. It was quick and physically painless. We waited on the Lord's timing and in September were already pregnant again! We were ecstatic! We wasted no time in relaying the wonderful news to family and close friends here. Mom, of course, knew, too. I went in for my first checkup. Almost 9 weeks along. Paperwork. Bloodwork. And then the nurse asked if I wanted to do an ultrasound. Sure. She assured me it was just for fun. No problems.
Well. No fun. Big problem.
I am developing a normal pregnancy, but I have no baby in my womb. Pure sadness entered me as one I have never felt before. I was totally unprepared. Even in the despair I was feeling, the Comforter was giving me silent strength. Verses. Promises. Songs. God is good.
I had to make the 20 minute drive home to tell Cory the shocking news. We spent the next few hours trying to wrap our heads around our new circumstances. The doctor had left me with a glimmer of hope that he was wrong and we were just too early to see things. That is where my faith rested until yesterday.
I went in for another ultrasound. Still nothing. However, my pregnancy is still advancing. I am over 10 weeks, and the risks are getting higher. I felt an emptyness yesterday. It was undescribable. But slowly, the Lord is filling me with the knowledge of His goodness. His ways are not our ways. He will not give to us above that which we are able to bear. "Be not afraid of sudden fear... when it cometh, For the Lord shall be thy confidence and shall keep thy foot from being taken." Proverbs 3:25, 26
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer: my God, my strength, in whom I will trust..." Psalm 18:2a
I do not attept to say that this is easy or that I am at a place where I do not cry. I weep. But I do know that trials are sent to make us grow. I am growing. It is a continual process. But I am sure God will bring me through. He is my confidence!